What If Wellbeing Isn’t a Goal - But instead the Foundations You Build From?

Let’s talk about wellbeing.

Not the kind you see in glossy brochures or wellness apps - all sea air, smiling salads, and yoga mats in pristine living rooms. And not the kind that turns up as a corporate initiative just in time for Mental Health Awareness Week, before disappearing under a landslide of emails and deadlines.

I’m talking about actual wellbeing. The kind that allows you to keep going, not by pushing through, but by staying connected to who you are. Not as something you earn after a crisis or a restructure, but as the ground you stand on - your baseline, your anchor, your home.

The problem is, somewhere along the way, wellbeing became something we do. Another thing to manage. Something to track and optimise. Even in the coaching world, it can feel like a performance: “Five ways to be happier! Breathe better! Do more mindfulness and definitely drink that turmeric latte!”

But true wellbeing,  the sort that lasts, and holds you through the real stuff,  isn’t about adding more. It’s about reconnecting with what’s already there, underneath the noise.

Psychologist Carol Ryff’s model of psychological wellbeing offers a more grounded and expansive view - especially valuable in midlife, when surface-level “wellness” advice often falls flat. Instead of chasing momentary happiness, it focuses on deeper qualities that support long-term flourishing.

Here are the six core dimensions:

• Self-acceptance - Having a realistic, compassionate view of yourself, including your strengths and flaws.
  
  
• Positive relationships - Developing warm, trusting, and meaningful connections with others.
  
  
• Autonomy - Being able to think and act independently, and make choices that reflect your values.
  
  
• Environmental mastery - Feeling capable of managing life’s demands and shaping your surroundings to support you.
  
  
• Purpose in life - Having a sense of meaning, direction, or guiding intention that motivates you.
  
  
• Personal growth - Being open to new experiences, learning, and evolving over time.
  
  

What I find powerful about this model is that it’s not about constantly feeling good. It acknowledges that life is complex.  You can be exhausted and still purposeful. You can feel uncertain and still be growing. It’s not asking you to be perfect, upbeat or endlessly productive - it’s asking you to stay in an honest relationship with your life as it’s unfolding.

Rather than reducing wellbeing to “how happy are you today?”, Ryff’s framework invites a fuller picture. Where autonomy and self-acceptance matter just as much as positivity. And where thriving isn’t a ‘performance’ - it’s something you build from the inside out.

What I’ve found, both in my research and with clients, is that wellbeing isn’t about dramatic transformation. It’s about tiny, intentional moves towards what matters. It’s turning the volume back up on your values. It’s saying no, gently, when something drains you. It’s making space for pleasure without needing to justify it. It’s reconnecting with your creative spark - not for productivity, but because it reminds you that you’re alive.

There’s a myth that once we get through the busy bit - the deadline, the project, the exam season, the restructure - then we’ll rest. Then we’ll take care of ourselves. But life rarely offers a clean pause. There’s always another thing. So the practice becomes: how do I hold onto myself in the middle of it all? How do I honour my wellbeing as I go?

Wellbeing isn’t the prize you get once you’ve fixed everything. It needs to be the foundation you build from. It’s how you move through change, how you come back to yourself, again and again.

You don’t need to do it perfectly. You just need to begin. Gently. Intentionally. As if you actually believe your life is worth tending to - not later, but now.

Try this:

Thinking about the elements of Ryff’s model listed above, if I were to tend to my own wellbeing this week - not perfectly, not performatively, but honestly - what would I say yes to? And what would I gently let go of?